My husband took our son to see the kid’s movie ‘Planes’ this weekend, my son, just over 2.5 had been asking to see this for weeks now. So, as part of their regular ‘Daddy/Fletcher’ days which consist of once a week having quality time together or as Fletcher says ‘boys only time mummy’ they head off on their ‘adventure’.
Shortly into the movies, Fletcher excited at seeing the planes says ‘oh wow’, ‘cool, look daddy’ and is told off by the women in front of them. Not only that, every time her child said anything to her he was told to be quiet.
I’m all for being respectful and quiet at a cinema. But (a) this was a kid’s movie and (b) if we can’t let our kids experience ‘contained’ joy and excitement what sort of parents are we being?
As adults, employers and business owners we are so quick to judge Generation Y. So quick that it makes me furious that every day on twitter there’s a new article about Gen Y, in particular, that they’re lazy, lack respect and show no responsibility. But what about parent’s, what role do parent’s play in the nurturing of their child?
In private practice, I see the effects of bad parenting all the time.
An anxious worrier comes into my practice, they can’t sustain romantic relationships, they get nervous they’ll say the wrong thing and describe themselves as shy. They also describe their parents as being ‘over-protective, controlling and scary’. And this, unfortunately plays a major role in our psychological make up.
So while it’s important to have rules, boundaries and educate our children on what is socially acceptable and ‘ok’ behaviour. It’s just as important to look at how we are behaving towards them (our children) and others.
Look at how you behave towards your children, ask yourself:
1. Do you tell them what do you? Or teach them how to behave?
2. Do you listen for how they feel? Or tell them to listen?
3. Do you worry all the time and do they hear this? Or do you teach them how to problem solve life’s basic challenges?
Parenting isn’t easy. I grant you that. But learning how to parent can be easy but it means we need to look at our own behaviour and work on it as much as we work on our children’s. We need to look in the mirror.
Parent’s you are your child’s biggest role model. Allow them to have fun, experience joy, laughter and playfulness but teach them how to behave through education and example. Don’t be a grump or a spoil sport. If we want happy, healthy kids we need to happy, healthy thinking styles.
“It was then that Hook bit him.
Not the pain of this but its unfairness was what dazed Peter. It made him quite helpless. He could only stare, horrified. Every child is affected thus the first time he is treated unfairly. All he thinks he has a right to when he comes to you to be yours is fairness. After you have been unfair to him he will love you again, but he will never afterwards be quite the same boy. No one ever gets over the first unfairness; no one except Peter.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan